Love, and how!

It was early, much too early to be awake. But I was in Jhirna Chaur, where the mornings were meant to be experienced, with a cup of chai and the silence. My best friend and I went on a short drive in our SUV, to herald the beginning of a beautiful day - the day I met him.

I did not know how long he was looking at me but I felt it, hard and piercing, at the back of my neck. I turned to look. It was the first time I saw him, his eyes and his body. He was handsome and had an air of confidence. There was an unyielding honesty beyond that veil of arrogance. I felt consumed by his potent gaze. He was not trying to unnerve me or make me feel uncomfortable. He was being himself, almost indifferent. I could feel the fire rising. Just looking at him made me feel complete, his touch would be like a bolt of lightning. He took one small step towards me. I waited with bated breath, willing him to come towards me but slightly scared about the consequences of what could happen. He stopped. Almost like he knew how I felt, how my body reacted to every imperceptible movement of his, how I was confused. I thought he was about to say something. I hung on to the silence, to the promise of what was to come. But he stopped. Was I going to be just another person he saw, part of his memory as just another girl who was enamored by him?

I really wanted to play cool, to be nonchalant. But he was so overpowering, my senses reacted before I could direct my mind to behave more smoothly. I wanted to say so much, I wanted to reach out and touch him. But my fear of rejection and more, stopped me.
His eyes were full of expression, of all his collective experiences, everything he’d seen and heard, what seemed like his need to share it with me. He gave me an almost indiscernible nod, I would hold on to that moment forever. It was as if he was helpless. I tried to convey that we should take advantage of the moment. Atleast capture this forever.

What was at first a feeling of surprise and awe was now slowly transforming into a profound happiness. The moment was mine. The knowledge of having seen him, almost touching him, talking to him, even though not a word was spoken, would sustain me for a lifetime. I wanted to immortalize every minute and ensure that it was etched in my mind. I was ready to sing out loud, I have not known such all encompassing joy in my life. It was as though these 23 years were all leading up to this one moment. And yet, I was so unprepared. It was exciting and the novelty of the emotion was uplifting.

He suddenly turned and started walking away. I almost called out to him. I wanted to ask him to stay, to give me another opportunity. I had so many questions. When would we meet next? If we did, would he remember me? Was this moment as significant to him? Was this as life changing?

But he did not stop, his ears twitched once, and his yellow and black spotted skin glistened in the sunlight, and his tail waved back to me. One final good bye.

And thus began my love affair. Though it was my shortest conversation ever, its afterglow would last a lifetime.

past perfect

Was reading the archives of my blog.

Many habits I've grown out of.

Many thoughts I disagree with.

I don't know if that's a good thing.