I have no words to say,
let alone write.
That deep expression
lies buried somewhere beneath
all this confusion and chaos.
Dear,
And no further.
Fullstops in place of commas,
unsaid words in a pregnant pause,
creating a void,
so full of emptiness,
Distressing, Frustrating.
More to come, that's waiting in the wings,
more beyond the "How are yous"
Something yearning to be said
but lost in this melee
of unimportant, unnecessary words.
Awkward pauses, raising question marks and
eyebrows
Then exclamations and more fullstops.
Before everything boils down to
the final, hypocritical "yours truly"
What else about writing this letter?
Pleasantaries, exaggerated expressions,
etceteras and so-ons,
that block out the true emotions from surfacing
and it goes unsaid.
Ignored, yet again?
"Yours Truly..."
Is it all over now?
Unsaid remain those ever crucial words...
I wonder if this effort was worthwhile,
This letter-writing fiasco,
this failure of expression.
Now its all but over,
right down to the last fullstop.
But-
I feel the need for an afterthought,
The need for that final grab at freedom,
And so:
"P.S. Goodbye";
Because the best always comes last.
Sunday, January 23
Friday, January 14
Reality continues to ruin my life
I'm not perfect.
God, it was hard to type that with a straight face. Still, every year I devote my energies to being a better daughter, student, sister, friend, and strive towards becoming "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma". And 2005 will be no exception. So, without further senti-maaroing(a more fashionable word than ado), and mostly because I hate writing introductory paragraphs, my resolutions for 2005.
2005 RESOLUTIONS I INTEND TO KEEP
(I know we're already halfway through January but...do you even need an explanation??)
This is in no specific order.
1. Make sure there's always someone to blame when I dont complete something on time.(Say goodbye to on-the-spot, I-can-see-you-made-that-up excuses).
2. Don't go by some plan. Procrastinate more.(I'm too lazy to do even that!).
3. Embrace lack of impulse control.(Buy those mindnumbingly expensive red shoes, wear them once and forget you even own them!).
4. I will make the PHL big news. Not just for me, for all the Indians who are sick of seeing Indian sports news consist entirely of Tendla, Veeru, Tendla, Veeru, Saurav, Tendla, Veeru, Rahul(oh I said it!), and Tendla.
5. Fill up all 20GB on the iPod. (First, convince dad that an iPod is the primary requisite for painfree living).
6. Never go on a diet. (Crib about the fluctuating figures on the scale and readily agree with Sunith when he says that I am a beautiful angel! No one ever said that angels were supposed to be anorexic).
7. Be a disappointment to my parents. (Need I elaborate?)
8. Abandon my addiction to moderation. From now on, it's all or nothing.(Okay we know it's going to be mostly nothing).
9. Make fun of Irfan Pathan at least once a week (just to irritate my sister).
10. Complain about the weather as if there was something anyone could do about it (and accuse the temperamental Weather Gods for all my mood swings).
11. My pious alter ego and her resolutions--
2002> I will go to the temple every Friday.
2003> I will go to the temple as often as possible.
2004> I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2005> I will try to catch the early morning sermons on TV.
Happy New Year, everybody.
{Inspired by Calvin, Kerry(yes, your NY resolutions email did make a difference!) and as always, Ras}.
God, it was hard to type that with a straight face. Still, every year I devote my energies to being a better daughter, student, sister, friend, and strive towards becoming "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma". And 2005 will be no exception. So, without further senti-maaroing(a more fashionable word than ado), and mostly because I hate writing introductory paragraphs, my resolutions for 2005.
2005 RESOLUTIONS I INTEND TO KEEP
(I know we're already halfway through January but...do you even need an explanation??)
This is in no specific order.
1. Make sure there's always someone to blame when I dont complete something on time.(Say goodbye to on-the-spot, I-can-see-you-made-that-up excuses).
2. Don't go by some plan. Procrastinate more.(I'm too lazy to do even that!).
3. Embrace lack of impulse control.(Buy those mindnumbingly expensive red shoes, wear them once and forget you even own them!).
4. I will make the PHL big news. Not just for me, for all the Indians who are sick of seeing Indian sports news consist entirely of Tendla, Veeru, Tendla, Veeru, Saurav, Tendla, Veeru, Rahul(oh I said it!), and Tendla.
5. Fill up all 20GB on the iPod. (First, convince dad that an iPod is the primary requisite for painfree living).
6. Never go on a diet. (Crib about the fluctuating figures on the scale and readily agree with Sunith when he says that I am a beautiful angel! No one ever said that angels were supposed to be anorexic).
7. Be a disappointment to my parents. (Need I elaborate?)
8. Abandon my addiction to moderation. From now on, it's all or nothing.(Okay we know it's going to be mostly nothing).
9. Make fun of Irfan Pathan at least once a week (just to irritate my sister).
10. Complain about the weather as if there was something anyone could do about it (and accuse the temperamental Weather Gods for all my mood swings).
11. My pious alter ego and her resolutions--
2002> I will go to the temple every Friday.
2003> I will go to the temple as often as possible.
2004> I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2005> I will try to catch the early morning sermons on TV.
Happy New Year, everybody.
{Inspired by Calvin, Kerry(yes, your NY resolutions email did make a difference!) and as always, Ras}.
Sultans Of Swing
I was at the inaugaral match of the PHL at the Gachibowli stadium yesterday. Now, dont tell me you dont know what that is! Okay, for the uninitiated, PHL is the Premier Hockey League. There are different teams with very interesting names. Some of them are Delhi Dazzlers(okay suuuure!), Bangalore HiFliers(Oh please!), Chennai Veerans(Ahaan??!!??), Sher-E-Jalandhar(Ummmm whatever!) and the Hyderabad Sultans(wow! :))
Obviously we won, 1-0. The Lions were tamed. Hockey's really exciting! It is much better than football and much quicker than cricket. Oh and we have Dilip Tirkey and that Pakistani dude Sohail Abbas(who couldn't play yesterday due to some injury). The players are actually quite cute. Gagan Ajit Singh was cool. Sameer Dad scored the matchwinning goal and how we cheered him on! We were 9 of us, all wearing blue. Yeah, the Sultans are our new Men In Blue!(atleast till Feb when Dravid and gang take on the Pakis). Anyway my final verdict: Hockey rules!
Obviously we won, 1-0. The Lions were tamed. Hockey's really exciting! It is much better than football and much quicker than cricket. Oh and we have Dilip Tirkey and that Pakistani dude Sohail Abbas(who couldn't play yesterday due to some injury). The players are actually quite cute. Gagan Ajit Singh was cool. Sameer Dad scored the matchwinning goal and how we cheered him on! We were 9 of us, all wearing blue. Yeah, the Sultans are our new Men In Blue!(atleast till Feb when Dravid and gang take on the Pakis). Anyway my final verdict: Hockey rules!
Sunday, January 9
tears are not enough
What can I say that hasn't already been said or read about the Tsunami tragedy?
I have no personal poignant story to narrate. All my relatives in Chennai and Kerala are shaken but fine.
I did party on New Year's Eve. I spent more than I should on my New Year clothes, shoes and jewellery. On January 1st, I woke up to more images of the tsunami-striken areas. I switched off the television and went down to the hotel's restaurant for my breakfast.
And my life goes on.
I have done my bit. I contributed money online this morning. That was more a justification to myself than to you. It's just not enough. There is a cloud of grief everywhere and I have my own selfish issues as usual. I dont know what I should do to make my world happier. All these people who are homeless, with their tremendous will to survive, are such an inspiration really. There are stories everywhere. The one about the family who tied themselves up to a tree to be able to fight the raging waters, another about the people in the coastal areas rebuilding their lives from scratch, children, teenagers, everyone is doing everything they can. All I do each day is go through my mechanical life with my usual emotional insecurities.
I was supposed to go to the Andamans on the 25th. The plan was to fly to Chennai and then, from there, to Port Blair. I am happy we postponed it to Monday(27th). Our tickets to Port Blair for the 25th weren't confirmed and we didn't want to take the risk. I was the only one who was against the idea but now I'm glad all my cousins didn't really listen.
That was the 4th trip in 2004 that got cancelled and the 2nd time I thought God had given me another chance at life. Now, what did I do to deserve that?
For the world, in general, 2004 wasn't a very good year. Okay, now that's an understatement. There have been numerous top ten stories in all the news channels and newspapers so I'm not going to go into what went wrong. Obviously you know what the world's been through in the last 12 months. India, in particular, had her own share of tragedies, calamities and strife.
Personally, 2004 was wonderful. Academically, Physically, Romantically etc.
I have reason to celebrate and according to me, the world does too. 2005 can be a new beginning. I'm not saying we should forget the staggering number of people who died. I believe that we need to fight this growing sadness and be proactive. A new year puts everything in perspective. Is this too practical and heartless?
All those advertisements on television with the names and phone numbers of the people who are missing, all the images we see in the news of people trying to rebuild their lives are there to remind us that beyond everything, there is hope.
I want to hold on to the hope that the future is bright for our world, our country and for every person who has the will and the gumption to fight against all odds and for every person who has that primal need to survive with blind faith.
I have no personal poignant story to narrate. All my relatives in Chennai and Kerala are shaken but fine.
I did party on New Year's Eve. I spent more than I should on my New Year clothes, shoes and jewellery. On January 1st, I woke up to more images of the tsunami-striken areas. I switched off the television and went down to the hotel's restaurant for my breakfast.
And my life goes on.
I have done my bit. I contributed money online this morning. That was more a justification to myself than to you. It's just not enough. There is a cloud of grief everywhere and I have my own selfish issues as usual. I dont know what I should do to make my world happier. All these people who are homeless, with their tremendous will to survive, are such an inspiration really. There are stories everywhere. The one about the family who tied themselves up to a tree to be able to fight the raging waters, another about the people in the coastal areas rebuilding their lives from scratch, children, teenagers, everyone is doing everything they can. All I do each day is go through my mechanical life with my usual emotional insecurities.
I was supposed to go to the Andamans on the 25th. The plan was to fly to Chennai and then, from there, to Port Blair. I am happy we postponed it to Monday(27th). Our tickets to Port Blair for the 25th weren't confirmed and we didn't want to take the risk. I was the only one who was against the idea but now I'm glad all my cousins didn't really listen.
That was the 4th trip in 2004 that got cancelled and the 2nd time I thought God had given me another chance at life. Now, what did I do to deserve that?
For the world, in general, 2004 wasn't a very good year. Okay, now that's an understatement. There have been numerous top ten stories in all the news channels and newspapers so I'm not going to go into what went wrong. Obviously you know what the world's been through in the last 12 months. India, in particular, had her own share of tragedies, calamities and strife.
Personally, 2004 was wonderful. Academically, Physically, Romantically etc.
I have reason to celebrate and according to me, the world does too. 2005 can be a new beginning. I'm not saying we should forget the staggering number of people who died. I believe that we need to fight this growing sadness and be proactive. A new year puts everything in perspective. Is this too practical and heartless?
All those advertisements on television with the names and phone numbers of the people who are missing, all the images we see in the news of people trying to rebuild their lives are there to remind us that beyond everything, there is hope.
I want to hold on to the hope that the future is bright for our world, our country and for every person who has the will and the gumption to fight against all odds and for every person who has that primal need to survive with blind faith.
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