i can't get no.... satisfaction

i'm not going to obsess over who wishes me tomorrow and who forgets.(yeah i know i'm doing it one day before the actual BIRTH day).

my dad's here for my 21st.. my best friend's missing classes and his girlfriend to be with me 'cos it's really hard for me to deal with the balloons and the confetti..(yeah crap!).. some idiot actually wished me today.. my family's throwing me a "surprise" karaoke party.. my friends are doing this midnight dinner thing.. yeah chocolate cake can make up for just about everything.. it's purely hormonal..

i have to make peace with the fact that i'm never going to be a female irfan or a maria ... or a yelena... someone told me there's no famous female sculptor.. now if u're actually gonna research this and tell me that some woman already holds the distinction.. i'm getting someone to murder you and trust me, it's gonna be slow and painful...

how can all of you be so happy on your birthday?? don't u ever take the time to look at your worthless life and feel miserable about it?
'cos all i can think of in the entire week leading up to my birthday is about all the could-have-beens and the should-have-beens and it's just distressing to live with the what-is.

if only i could turn back time..

or if only it's miraculously september 2nd tomorrow...

bloody illusory shit.. bloody ambitions.. absolute ignis fatuus..

if you really wanna make my day.. don't wish me.
i'm not using reverse psychology.. i mean it.. don't mail me, don't call me, don't text me.. this is my desperate attempt to make sure i'm not disappointed tomorrow when i don't get calls from the people i so desperately want atleast a phone call from..

god birthdays suck.. they do this to me..