The Dangling Conversation

This is one of my fave S&G songs. I heard it today after a really really long time...was tryin to intro my sis to this kinda music...

Its a still life watercolour of a now later afternoon
and the sun shines through the curtain lace andshadows wash the room
and we sit and drink our coffee cast in our indifference like shells upon the shore.
You can hear the ocean roar in the dangling....

And you read your Emily Dickinson and I my Robert Frost
And we note our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost.
Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm, couplets out of rhyme in synchopated time...

And the dangling conversation and the superficial sighs
Are the borders of our lives..

Yes we speak of things that matter with words that must be said
Can analysis be worthwhile? Is the theatre really dead?
And how the room is softly faded
And I only kiss your shadow I cannot feel your hand, you're a stranger
Now unto me...

Aren't the lyrics jus great? The song is even better.
Have a great day everyone.

Oh I'm jus waiting for 2005...only 16 more days to go!!!

questions

the whole Kanchi Shankaracharya, (Sri Jayendra Saraswati) issue is still front page news...wat i fail to understand is if it's a legal, religious or a political issue...ideally it shd b a legal one...the law shd b the same for everyone nmw...nobody is above the law...but obly v hafta consider the man involved...n wen laloo prasad n uma bharathi were given guest houses n wen so many criminals(in the true sense of the word)like raja bhaiyya were given bail...i feel it is kinda unfair that they actually thot the shankaracharya was capable of fleeing the country....it is quite difficult for him to do that cos he had armed security guards for his protection at all times...
now in prison, they dont even let him perform his daily rituals...finally they fitted a tap in his cell for his daily bath...brahmins r supposed to cook their own meals n all...they dint make any provisions for all that...so shd he step down...atleast till he is proved innocent?
today, they also served him an arrest intimation in a case relating to the attack on s.radhakrishnan(he was an associate of the sankara mutt in chennai)..now y wd sum1 of his stature actually go around attacking ppl...
oh n this is so unfair...jus cos there have been only peaceful protests in most part of the country...ppl r actually doubting if there is any kinda empathy for the shankaracharya...fact is..v dont hafta burn down buses n kill ppl to show empathy or support...n there was this piece of evidence relating to a cheque with his signature...the thing is the shankaracharya doesnt sign any cheques with his name...cos now he's kinda the spiritual head so he doesnt even use his original name any more...
one more thing is, sankararaman's mother(or wife..i dont remember) had actually seen 4 scooterists driving away...these could b possible suspects...but the police dint even interrogate her...
n suppose the shankaracharya did have a hand in this murder...wouldnt such a highly intelligent man be a li'l more careful...n wat the hell is the motive????
i dont have the entire picture...i dont even no if everythin the media tells us is true...all i'm saying is he shd not be treated like a petty common criminal...

i jus think that the dmk was being by financed veerappan...n now since he's been killed under jayalalitha's leadership...n since the dalit votebank is with karunanidhi...jayalalitha wants to pacify the dmk by arresting the shankaracharya...an icon of brahmanism...the other end of the spectrum...
this is jus a theory...my take on this whole issue...i dunno wat the truth is but i sure as hell wanna find out...

Butt y???

u no wat i'm talkin abt...will update this asap..

soooooo much to say n i will as soon as these exams get done...worst part is my last one...management science...actually got postponed...n its my fave subject n its prbbly the only 1 i was really prepared for...this suxxxxxx :(
ok more dramatic ranting later...

lmao

u hafta chk this one out..

http://homepages.iitb.ac.in/~ajit_narra/mybakwaas.html

it really made me smile...n that too with the mood i was in... :)
amit...no offence re..jeetu u r beyond funny baap...:D

the regular and the unusual

exams as usual...n this time there's jus too much pressure...suddenly i have this enthu to be in that topper list...god knows y the josh...but seriously there r ppl who get an avg of arnd 85%...n these r gals who cant spell to save their lives! so..i'm guessin i have a fairly decent chance(optimistically speaking....cos frankly this sem i have absolute killer subjects...n neither english nor spelling is on the list)..

got selected for my univ tennis team...so thats cool...was expected actually...like i said before(n i say it again...)humility isnt my thing...but its rainin pretty often...n the weather is jus perfect...made for die-hard romantics like me to write poems abt it..but since the excuses r almost expected..here goes..i realllly have no time...(c i dont even have time to make up even a slightly more genuine believable one!..)

india won the 4th test...incidentally dravid was the captain...not surprising! but v won by 13 runs...n murali kartik was the man of the match...now that is surprising...how tough is it to win?? neway that test was spl for dravid...in more ways than one...n it was gd watchin him all excited...god i jus luv that guy....n john abraham...he's awesome lookin n he's vegetarian...best part...

there was a really good article abt yasser arafat on the editorial pg of the hindu this mornin...chk it out if poss...

oh n this is an absolute must for everyone...really really interesting..its all abt the conspiracy n its pretty amazin!!(nittu i dint get a chance to mail it to every1 but i will asap..)
http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/specials/Netaji/netajihomepage.shtml

k thats it from me for a while...mail me on my gmail thing if its imp cos my sis chks that for me occasionally...divyashri@gmail.com...

oh n happy diwali everyone...n deepavali here at whisper valley is beyond amazin...tell ya abt it asap...

if ur sunsign's virgo...

Protector God (August 19 to September 21)
If you were lucky enough to be born under this sign, you can look forward to life-long romance that will never stop growing. Mr/Ms Right for you is the mystery man type who has a multi-faceted personality and will Forever be revealing new and fascinating aspects of himself/herself, Thereby continually giving you something new about himself for you to love.

nittu do ya think this is true???

but y???

i jus figured veerappan had to have sum 'political godfathers' to be in hiding for so long n not get caught...for a change the tn govt dint make a huge hue n cry abt sum overintelligent plan to get him...ok now there's a lotta debate abt the jayalalita connection n she took credit for the whole operation cocoon neway...so gd the 10 month covert op was a success...but i jus dont understand the timing...i jus figured it'd b before sum elections or sumthin...u no to garner votes n stuff...
so y now???? oh n i read another article abt there bein an enquiry into whether he actually committed suicide...n there r lotsa ppl wondering y that moustache of his was not the usual(frankly who cares abt thaaat?)...
so obly v hafta look for reason in everything...so the big ques..Y???
maybe it was jus a straightfwd thing...or jus maybe there was sumthin more... so a conpiracy theory's gotta b there..(n dont v jus luv conspiracies???) but what could the conspiracy be??
i thot i had a great one figured out...the oft-repeated politics-underworld link..but it turned out to b pretty lame n a li'l filmy(n a bad one at that)... i told my friend this....the whole theory...no censors(ok there were no item gals involved i promise!)...he laughed at me n he's the kinda guy who tells me things like i'm over-gifted n all that jus to keep me happy! so obly i'm not gonna risk that humiliation again... :|

a few lines

life's interesting...jus finding my way to live my truth....:)

veerappan's been shot dead...i smell a huge conspiracy...tell ya abt it later...

the chennai test was a draw...n that too wen v were in the winning position...GOD is unfair....oh n wats unfairer(or is it more unfair...ok wateva)is that there's no test in hyd...

saw fahrenheit 9/11...collateral...terminal...

wondering abt my exams??? did them jus GREAT...

listenin to sum fantastic music...

oh everything's jus fine...the way it shd be...not gonna take it for granted this time...

The Rainy Day

The last 2-3 days have easily been the most depressing this year...

I am feeling so low and listless and lethargic...i feel totally unmotivated...i am completely bored and tired with everything. I know its jus a dull phase...
i'm so scared of sumthin...its like this horrible premonition...call it woman's intuition or wateva...it's like everything feels so painful and pathetic...i've lost all my zest for life...my enthusiasm has jus disappeared...i'm in that mood where i jus wanna fade into oblivion...
i feel i'm not contributing in a positive way to anyone or anything...i'm really not making a difference to my frenz or my family or society or my college or my country... i jus feel like i'm a waste of a life...
i know sumthin terrible is goin to happen...i'm jus not able to pull myself outa that vortex of emotions...it's jus dragging me deeper everytime i struggle to get out of this depression...
i feel emotionally drained...i feel like i have no reason to live, for the simple reason that i'm not any1z reason to live...
i jus feel bitter abt everything...i'm turning out to b sumthin i'm not...i'm takin the easy way out...i'm not putting up a fight...i have all these negative thoughts kinda influencing everything i do...i've become envious and petty...i've become selfish and manipulative...i hate the person i m right now...n now i feel like i'm jus drowning in my self-pity....

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

- Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

day 2 of week 40

today will go down 2004 history as one of the best days all year...

i'm a member of PIPFPD- thats pak ind ppl's forum for peace n democracy... i went to their office today...it's in charminar btw...pretty close to the bus stand...
i never saw charminar up close...it's jus awe-inspiring!..i mean its so beautiful...
neway the whole place is jus so full of life...everything's so spontaneous...its awesome... neway the guy who called me told me i was selected to go to...hold ur breath...pakistan...by invitation...all expenses paid...isnt that amaaaaazin???
neway my prnts as usual hafta rain on my parade...they rnt too enthu abt it...
i dunno y...actually i do but...
wat if i go neway?? it's not like i need money or anythin... i think it's a great opportunity...n jus 5 ppl from the entire country...1 billion ppl...i feel its pretty cool...ok so modesty isnt really one of my better attributes...neway...

neway after that i went all the way up charminar...the view is panoramic...so colourful and vibrant...it jus fills u up with positive energy...my friend pretended to lose balance...god that realllly scared me...then i bought this amazin lac bangles..i'm not really big on jewellery but these bangles are perfect....they have those li'l glass things all over and they shine like stars...it reminds me of the city lights wen ur jus landing at the hyd airport...like diamonds on an african woman's neck...jus perfect!!!

i came back hm and went to play tennis...my coach and i...v jus rallied...and i'm gettin really good at it...improving each day...i can actually feel the flow...each time i hit the tennis ball i know exactly where it's gonna land n all...but my service is givin me probs...i think today i had abt 40-50% of my 1st serves in. That's a really pathetic statistic..neway i guess practice makes perfect...

ok n i was waiting for this call all day and the worst part of it was i got the call wen i wasplaying tennis...my cell was on the silent mode...full concentration on tennis n all...n i missed it!!!so disappointing that was... but then i got the call again...yayyyyy!! n v talked...btw it wasnt a guy...ok it was...but not in the
oh that GUY called me way...it's diff...i'll explain wen the plan works out...isnt the suspense jus killing you???

all crap..part 2 :)

ok so the week was great...

i know every1z jus waiting for the sob story...but...

the vinayaka thing actually worked out great... i sang..*applauds herself*...n these twins..girls..they performed to a classical song..it was very basic...n they made a few mistakes...but who am i to criticize?? n then after that v organized a quiz...it was called fun fundas(guess who came up with the oh-so-deceptive name!!)... n it had all GOD related stuff... today i read this interview of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar..he's the 1 who established the Art of Living Foundation...neway acc to him G-O-D stands for Generator, Operator and Destroyer..the whole "trimurthulu" i.e. the divine trinity concept is jus so easy to understand now...
oh abt the quiz..it was a blast..v asked the teams to recite slokas...n give 5 names for shiva...n things like that...oh n this is cool...did u know the goddess lakshmi's vehicle(vaahana) is the white owl?? amazin huh!!..n every1 really appreciated our effort..ok yea so i do need appreciation for everything i do...nothing comes free..esp not MY time...i know its all become commercialized..but hey its for a good cause!!

all my enthu jus got drained at my last CAT class...it was a basic math thing... abt the number line n even n odd numbers n things like that... i answered only 2 ques in the whole class... n he kept throwing random ques at every1 in general...
its not like i dint know the concepts but the ans jus clicked so late..n by then half the class had already answered the ques...i really felt pathetic...
i've decided to forget abt the verbal part for a while n conc only on math...

n the SSC--- Short Service Commission for women in the army is for 5 years too...
i really wanna do it but my dad wants me to get into IIM-A cos he studied there..
god i hate all these dynastic expectations..if i can call them that...neway on one hand i really live by the "Show me the moneeeeey!!" slogan that Jerry McGuire made famous...but then i have this totally philanthropic side...dunno which 1's gonna win in the end...i think i'm doin all this CRY vol work for the certs too...ok 70% for the certs n 30% for the kids...wat??? atleast i'm being honest...

but all this really scares me... i really wanna be a good human being... i know i'll give 5% of my earnings every month to charity cos thats wat both my parents do..again the doubt..is it too much or too little??? i know nothing n nobody can be defined by sum kinda absolute good n evil theory...maybe v jus try too hard...how important is money? wat is happiness? r these questions so difficult to answer? or maybe the answers keep changing according to our experiences and our ever-changing environment... i really wanna make a diff..not in my sister's life or my boy-friend's..ok not even human-kind in general...cos the scale is jus too large..but shdnt v think BIG?? neway i jus wanna make a diff to sum1 who after that wont b indebted to me for life n all that...sum1 who needs ME...not physically or emotionally...the need shdnt be limited by sumthin like that...sum1 who jus needs me for me...n sum1 whom i can help without feeling like i've done an amazing thing n jus helpin cos i wanna...

god...i'm so sorry...this always happens...i start writing down everything that comes to my head n it all sounds like a loada crap...

neway bottomline--- it was an eventful week n my tennis has improved drastically...
n even the Rain Gods are smiling down on me!!!

vinayaka's victory dance

v have this ganesha idol in whisper valley...i havent seen it yet..

basically the thing is..everyday 3 families from wvalley co-ordinate and do the puja...n call the rest of the colony residents for dinner...today is our turn...

it was sposed to be yday but i got my mother to postpone it to today...yday was THE MATCH...yea i know v lost...blame it on bad cosmic karma but never on our beloved cricketers!!!

neway i really feel that the whole idea is jus lost sumwhere...everything is so material-driven now...frankly i dunno wat exactly GOD is...i dont pray everyday..i'm not over-pious...i visit the temple wen my family does...i dont really wish for nething...(ok i do but its all the usual stuff which v ultimately get only if v "work hard"..so no pt)...neway i do know sum slokas...n a li'l abt vedic spirituality..n the whole idea of hinduism..wat it stands for...is jus fascinating...neway now the whole thing is jus so artificial...they actually have fashion shows every evening...u no kids take part one day...the next day the teenagers of the colony n so on...last yr one of the "judges" actually asked this 17 yr old.."how wd ur parents react if they saw u in a movie theatre alone with a guy"...nuthin wrong with the ques if it was a general query...but wat really irked me was that this was in front of this towering ganesh idol...i mean where is the devotion??? yea so i did learn classical music till i was in class 10..n then obly my interests then went directly from m.s.subbalakshmi to metallica...not that there's nethin wrong with metallica cos i seriously luv sum of their songs...but then i have that need to listen to sum m.s.sub also once in a while cos carnatic classical music is the best! it's really soothing and their voices...u can jus tell the diff between sum1 who's trained in carnatic music n sum1 who's jus got talent but not the voice...neway all I do is sing the few songs that i know word-to-word on these festival days n only because sum neighbour either cajoles me into it or sum1 in my family orders me to do it...either way..it's great listenin to every1 praising me but i forgot exactly wat i'd first started with...

neway there r a few ppl who feel as strongly as i do abt this fashion fiesta that goes on every yr...so maybe this time instead of that v can actually have sum classical music or a bharatnatyam recital..even if its a li'l amateurish..i think it'll still be better n more appreciated...

neway wish me luck...they'll defly ask me to sing n i know a coupla vinayaka keertanas..i jus hope i dont forget the words...

happy vinayaka chaturthi... :)

n dont ask me wat the victory dance bit was abt...thats a story for another day...i actually started out to write abt that but... :)

Rahul Dravid is God

ok...so maybe v wont win the match today...but everytime..without fail..he just reaffirms my faith.

actually maybe v will win cos even pak is 1/1 now...n its jus great...that too without sachin...hey i came up with ths really dumb theory...i call it the sahara theory..
dont laugh... ok i jus figured...our official sponsor is SAHARA right..n basically i jus feel SAchin ke bina India HARA...lol..ok so i'm not the next einstein but wateva...

ok 10/2 now...again on irfan's bowling n dravid's brilliant keeping...man he never ceases to amaze me. so who says nice guys finish last...today dravid hit his 54th half century..man he's jus brilliant...neway u already know that...gtg watch the match now..i hope v're the ones who'll play west indies at southampton on wednesday...watever it is, GOD is our side...

p.s. i kinda believed god was female till today...so with great humility i eat my words..
DRAVID u r my hero..

a must read

this is a mail i got from lynate...it's pretty cool...

"I came across this article in the magazine Outlook.......But I thought this
article is so good that everyone on MS should read this. It is written
by Madhu Trehan. She writes regularly for Outlook and in this she is
replying to a letter by a reader. Both the letter have been written.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Madhu

I have read your articles ever since I was a kid and you were at India
Today. You have often come across as a balanced person not prone to
Gandhi nonsense, until now.

I live in a White Nation (the US) and have never felt like a second
class citizen. Only a blind and a deaf person can compare the pride of a
US citizen with the indignity of being an Indian. A US citizen trusts his
government, knows his/her death will never go unpunished, while an
Indian solider is there to die.

Elite is a bad word in India because 95% of our country lives in abject
poverty. Next time ask the waiter in Taj who served you the Rs 400
drink, how much he makes in a month. I bet his monthly salary will be around
your dinner bill. Shame on you and journalists like you who have failed
India in the past with coloured reporting and are doing so now. They
should feel ashamed. Rather than calling bush names, maybe we should
hang our heads in shame on PMs like Vajpayee who is too old to walk,
too much of a coward to protect his people.

Maybe, just maybe, the day people like us (the English educated hence
smarter) start feeling ashamed enough we will start making changes in
India rather than just exploiting our servants and labour class. It
anguishes me to read this national character articles. A nation that
cannot feed its people (a la Orrisa) has no character, a nation whose
children move around naked (Mumbai) has no reason to feel proud, a
nation whose elected reps call religious riots opposite reaction has
no future.

Once again, shame on you and all of India. I am ashamed to be an Indian
and shame on you for suggesting anything else.

Chet
(Chaitanya)

Her response was.....

Hello Chet,
I will answer your letter point by point.
O Your name. You can be Chet or Jet, stay away from the sun, fake an
American accent, but you will never be able to run away from Chaitanya.
He will always be there even though you hate him today.

O Gandhi, whom you hold in such contempt, despite all his controversial
behavior, is largely responsible for the fact that there is no white
boot on a part of your anatomy today.

O You live in a white nation but you are not white and never will be.
You can fool yourself to believe that you are not treated as a second
class citizen. You choose to forget the Dot Busters, the Sikh who was
killed because he looked foreign and rampant racism. How many times a
week do you have to explain where you are from and spend your time
EXPLAINING India to Americans? I cringe to think what you say to them
about India. We do not need spokesman such as you. You will never be
able to share a good desi joke with any of your new friends. If you
cant laugh together, you cannot understand each other. You will always
be an alien.

O Yes, we are economically poor compared to US but we do not have to
suffer the highest rate of teenage pregnancies, kids coming into schools
and killing students and teachers, the highest rate of suicide among
college students, alienated parents and children, lonely old people
dumped into old age homes, drugs being offered to eight year olds (as my
daughter was when she was in the UN school in New York), serial
marriages and divorces. The US had a president who was senile and deaf
(Reagan), one who turned out to be a serial sex offender (Clinton), and
now you have one who didnt know the heads of state of major countries
and ignored warnings of a terrorist attack months before it took place.
The US is responsible for massacres in Vietnam, Cambodia, Iraq, Chile
and the list goes on. The rest of the world does not view America with
the rose-coloured glasses you have been brainwashed by the US media to
see thorough. And, how much does a waiter in Jean Georges restaurant in
Trump International Hotel in New York make compared to the price of the
drink he is serving? The labour class in exploited all over the world.

O You seem to very upset that I am pointing out we have a national
character to be ashamed of and we should do something about it. Your
insistence that we stay ashamed and do nothing about it is perhaps to
make it easier for you to live in a country where the only religion is
to hang out at malls and accumulate consumer items you dont really need
but have been diktated by advertising to buy that, to keep the US
economy going. It is not by accident that Americans are flocking to yoga
and meditation classes to buy happiness.

O You have done well to leave a country you are ashamed of. Call
yourself an American but sooner or later your disguise and American
Halloween costume will frighten you enough to get rid of it.

O I love America's energy and have good friends there. New York is a
centre for an enormous outpouring of creativity and imaginative
thinking. Every country has its own problems. It is for the people who
belong there to take responsibility for change.

O If you are so far removed from India, ask yourself why you are so
anguished with my article. Chaitanya is raising his head, Chet is in
trouble.

Regards,
Madhu Trehan"

on a high

dont have too much time..

neway my cat classes r goin great...i actually topped my class in the first test...either all my classmates r really dumb or i'm over intel... :)

its been drizzling again...so no tennis...

gd federer won the u.s.open...i hate hewitt...
the paki-kenya match was rained out...dunno if that'll make a diff to our points at the ICC Champions Trophy..

i'm not goin for the kerala trip...it's so disappointing... that too after i was the one who made the plan..n got every1 the 2500 buck deal...n thats for 7 days excludin the train ticks...i think thats damn reasonable...(point to be noted: shd think of takin financial management as my core sub in iim...over-optimistic or...???) neway they're goin to cochin, munnar, allepey, thekkady,trivandrum n back to cochin and maybe to the ISRO thing in Tumba if they get permi...i'm tryin to work that out also...if it does work out..it'll be awesome..only prob..i wont be there...neway it'll b like a 1 wk brk cos v wont have classes...n my bf'll also b in hyd till tuesday so..it shdnt b allll that bad...
but i was really lookin fwd to it..neway i guess its always for the best..

oh n the best part...i lost weight without really workin too hard...all the gymming is finally showin results...thats y i'm takin a 4 day brk n treatin myself to all the things i think i've been deprived of...(read pizza, chocolate pastries etc...icecreams i anyway dont like too much...)

neway thats abt it...jus went thru wat i wrote n it all sounds so boring but the thing is...life's neva been better (except for the 1 time wen... and the other time wen...lol) no..but seriously life's great...jus prayin this phase lasts for a while..

there's sumthin abt john...

today was a frenz b'day...

as usual i dint no wat to buy for her...i mean wat do u give a gal who has everything she wants except the 1 thing she needs?...it's really not as corny as it sounds...

n the worst part is...the need thing usually refers to a guy....n this time too the sad truth is...that it is a guy...wat is it with gals n their need to have sum1 who worships them 24/7...that jus shows a really sad self-image or sum kinda attention craving syndrome...but every1 craves attention i guess...but y fixate on the 1 guy who wont give it to u???
neway that had nuthin to do with her...she's an awesome gal who deserves the best..n she's with that guy of hers right now... :)n i had a LOT to do with the orchestrating of their rendezvous...hehe

neway v saw dhoom at prasads...my 2nd time...n i jus cant get enuf of john abraham...yea so he's not the oscar winning types...but his looks r way beyond hollywood too...he's jus got so much style n class...not the creepy so-called almost pompous holier-than-thou thing that simi garewal has goin on...but this is the real thing...he's jus so...*droooool* ;)

i was listenin to metallica today after ages...i know reload is one of their more popular albums...but i jus looooove low man's lyric...

My eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins
There's a dog at your back step
He must come in from the rain
I fall cause I've let go
The net bellow has rot away
So my eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins

The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bear to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn

So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
'Cause lowman is due

Please forgive me

My eyes seek reality
My fingers feel for faith
Touch clean with a dirty hand
I touch the clean to the waste

this isnt the whole song...but then it gets repetitive...its a great song...one of my fave metallica songs...n it brings back a lotta memories...

there's jus sumthin abt music...
i mean there r soooo many songs i can jus put a date on and an incident to. there r lotsa songs that r spl jus cos they were playin wen sumthin happened...
songs bring back beautiful, almost forgotten memories...u no that nostalgia...that feelin jus rushes thru u wen u go back there n kinda feel everythin all over again...the love u felt wen he jus looked at u the first time....the pain u feel wen a friend betrays u...the whole adrenalin rush of victory...the beauty of it is jus so sublime...it's great...

n right now...i'm jus high on love... :)

Life or sumthin like it :)

“Life is like a piano. What comes out of it depends on how you play it...”
- Anonymous

“Life ain’t fair. But it isn’t fair with everyone; n thats wat makes life fair”
- Anonymous

“For a moment, life could be still. But never in lifetime, can a moment be still. Live every moment!!! ”
- Anonymous.

“Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once...”
- Lillian Dickson

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear that you will make one...”
- Elbert Hubbard

“Life is a journey, not a guided tour...”
- Anonymous

“The supreme irony of life is that no one gets out of it alive...”
- Robert Heinlein

“The small courtesies sweeten life, the great ennoble it...”
- Bovee

“Everyday is a little life and our whole life is but a day repeated...”
- Hall

Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get
-from Forrest Gump

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
-Samuel Butler

catchin up with life

the day's been unbelievable so far...

all things incredible r usually things u dont expect will ever happen... ok i no that isnt a mindblowing philosophy but for me it's a discovery...

life's never been better... i m finally 20!! all grown up!! i think i'm doin all the right stuff..
but wats great is i finally found a friend i never knew i was lookin for!! yea as soon as i wrote that i felt the "whateveeeeer" in my head but the thing is..it's true...i dunno y but it's jus made me happier...actually happier...

sometimes u feel like there r ppl who jus dont give u enuf time or watever n then u realize that there r better ppl worth all that time n effort n more...n thats wen u realize that u jus hafta cherish wat u have n let go of things u never had...

n this blog thing actually sux....cos i wrote down all my 13 Birthday Resolutions but i pressed the wrong key n i lost the pg where i wrote all that down...n i jus dint have the patience to write them again...

neway today there's sumthin that's jus makin me soooo HAPPY..i dunno if it's the weather or......

my CAT coaching is startin tomm...i dunno how to be prepared for that...i dunno if it'll be tuf...i dunno if i'm good enuf...i know i'm intelligent and have pretty much everything it takes...but i dont have the discipline to put in all that HARD WORK...n maybe the CAT is also overhyped like sooo many other things...

v finally won...n dravid got out of his lean phase...my theory is..for a change he wasnt keeping wickets..maybe that's actually makin a diff...n ganguly...i have newfound respect for him...he's actually startin to look cute..:)

but its still drizzling...couldnt play tennis again today...n i was really lookin fwd to it too...n i'm so glad sharapova lost to pierce...lol...it's a girl thing...
but seriously i saw mary pierce playin here in apna hyd n she's got class..the way she carries herself n all..great attitude...

i started practising on my music again...i've seriously forgotten how to sing..but i intend to get better...
aim: by dec 2004, i shd get back to singing like i used to...
neway lets c how that goes...

n 1 more thing i've decided is to get onl only on weekends or if i have assignments i hafta research for..cos it's really becomin a waste of time...

i think i shd start preparin for a yr end thing of all my philosophical discoveries/rediscoveries in 2004...it shd b interesting...cos this yr has been awesome so far and the best part is...jus looks like its only gonna get better!!!

my birthday resolutions

1. be less egoistic.

2. dont be insensitive to issues that seem very trivial to u but r BIG PROBLEMS to others.

3. do not become overly sentimental about things.

4. visit the temple once a week.

5. do not over-analyze everything. look at the bigger picture.

6. keep sight of ur short term and long term goals and work hard towards them. make a commitment.

7. work out everyday. the healthy body..healthy mind thing is true.

8. do not b judgemental.

9. do not give undue importance to ppl who hurt u.

10. be open to change.

11. do not criticize ppl openly.

12. complete reading atleast one classic a week. make time for reading everyday.

13. learn not to break the resolutions u make.

is 13 unlucky?? couldnt think of one more.. neway i'm not at all superstitious so i guess it wont matter...

birthday blues?? not this time!!

last week was one of the best pre-birthday weeks ever...

usually i become all depressed cos every birthday i make these over-ambitious plans to do 1 thing that'll change my life...n usually i end up doing lotsa inconsequential things that dont really matter ultimately...
neway i finally realized that i dont really hafta make a balance sheet of my life every yr...cos all these numbers and statistics dont really mean a thing...and even the ugly experiences r wat really make me...uniquely and very ME..

neway birthday shopping is fun...my parents suddenly became generous with their money and extravagant...so unlike them!! i'm not really much of a shopaholic...but i really blv a gal never has enuf clothes and shoes...

my grades have already become better...all my profs r really happy with me...my proj is also goin great...
i've started playin tennis again...first day on court was painful...all my forehands jus flew over the baseline and my backhands went straight to the net...i dint have the guts to play a match...i think i've forgotten how to serve...but then i wont give up like i did last time..cos my coach promised me i'd improve drastically in 3 wks if i continued playin..

jus waiting for the ind-pak match on sept 19th...its very conveniently on a sunday too...

the olympics and india...pathetic...

i think i shd write down my b'day resolutions...cos sumhow they work better than new yr resolutions...prbbly cos a b'day is very I-centric and for 1 day its only ME..
my first resolution: be less egomaniacal..remember that there is a world beyond u..

the rest i'll write down wen i update my blog...

1 day to go!! yayyy!!

cricket fever part 2

how could v lose???

i stopped watching after dravid was run out cos by then i'd jus lost hope..
and i m a total optimist most of the time...but yday was jus hopeless..
n that actually made me wonder if v need sachin to win...
its not like he's performed in all the matches v've played and won but maybe jus his presence..his name..is sumthin that lifts the indian team...i'd hate to think that's true..cos i really want the team to win without sachin...that'll really mean a LOT to me...

winnin tomm against aus will b a big morale boost for our team...it'll also b like a revenge thing cos they beat us at hockey...that too the deciding goal in the last 30 seconds.. that too against a 10 player indian side cos dhanraj was called off...never knew hockey was even remotely interesting till i saw the match that day..

neway the only prob is, they have brett lee n i'm a BIG FAN of his...and in case ppl have any doubts...his looks r jus incidental...
but i'm still gonna cheer for india cos i worship rahul dravid and i'm sure he wont b out for a duck tomm...aussies beware!(ok that sounded lame but watever!!)

neway wat i planned to do this morning..
1.yoga - 45 min...............................20 min n then was too sleepy to go any further..
2.work out - 1 hr.............................slept and i'm feelin too fit today to guilt myself into working out..
3.complete records for lab ...................did abt 75%..guess i'll finish that..
4.complete linear integrated ckts
assignment.............did 18 out of 25 probs..the rest i really couldnt figure out...think i shd sleep over it...
5.mail everyone i care about(esp dad).........mailed only dad...tired of typing..
6.update my cv................................couldnt think of anyhting new to lie about :p
7.do sum gmat word lists......................gawd that sounds so boring..dont blame me if i dint...
8.buy a pair of sneakers......................too lazy today to get dressed and drive and go and choose sumthin i like and drive back....baaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

so wat DID i do??
saw the 2 hr thing of will n grace on zee english..
ordered pizza(again) cos its sunday....as if u need a reason for pizza!
was on the phone for god knows how long...n then onl chattin with arbit n sum not so arbit ppl...tried doin the project cos i hafta do most of the work onl...did a li'l then got bored...
now i'm writing this...i dont even no y...its cos i have nothin else to do...oh yea i actually do...but i'm soooooo in that i-jus-wanna-do-nothin-that-takes-even-a-li'l-physical-effort kinda mood..

neway thats abt it...

now i'm too lazy to type!!

cricket fever

god!!
i've been waiting forever to watch the ind-pak match..
n jus wen i started writing this...they actually started playing...n v won the toss...so half the work is done i guess...

neway sachin isnt playin...the entire series most prbbly...guess who's celebrating!!!;)

n as usual v lost at the olympics..
3-4 to aus in hockey...4th place in tennis...man i was totally counting on the hesh-paes magic to work...they couldnt even manage a bronze!!
i jus hope v win the match today...otherwise everythin's gonna totally blow!

neway all i've been doin is studyin...actually that is sooo not true...
i've been onl doin nothing much...chattin n lookin for sumthing to say at my seminar on monday which i'm totally unprepared for..
i was on the ph...i'm a totalll cellphone junkie!
all i've done the entire day: eating n sleeping n jus thinkin abt wat i'm gonna do with my life..
i wrote down this over-optimistic plan which i intend to follow with unbelievable determination..neway lets c how that works out..

wat's totally unfair is that i'm older than irfan pathan n he's the openin bowler for the ind team n i'm sitting in front of my comp cribbing abt it...lol...
neway it looks like another indian debacle...cos they actually hit a 6 off irfan, the first over of the match...guess who's celebrating!...lol..

neway i seriously hope v win today...cos everytime india wins a match, i end up doin well in my exams...not that i'm superstitious...but all that sure helps!!

skooool

today was amaaaaazing...

actually it wasnt...it was jus like any other day till i went to skool to pick up my sis..

man its changed...everything looks so rigid n rulesy now..i mean wen v were in skool v cd get away with pretty much nething..

i jus waited in the parkin lot n there were all these kids(yea KIDS!! i'm gonna b 20!!!) playin around n shouting n jus freakin out..

i miss those days...v used to jus hang out...talk abt nothin exciting..jus the usual but it used to be so much fun...n the tennis courts bring back so many memories!!n the music room...how v used to practise for days before any ceremony...the choire and the band used to b wat every1 usually waited for...cos it was always the best...v were always the best...
last 2 yrs i was in skool..i bunked so many classes...jus used to go for the same movie a million times..lost count of the no. of times i saw dil chahta hai the 1 month it was playin at anand...now i regret it so much...not cos IF i had studied i'd have ended up elsewhere but cos i miss all the in-skool fun so much...

ofcourse now i no ppl i never knew even existed back then...n many have made such a huge diff to my life...n ofcourse i m more mature n responsible n all that crap..
but if only i cd turn back time...
i wd 've done so many things so differently...
but then again i wdn't be where i m now..i wdn't b wat i am now..

yea..i guess its all for the best..
isnt it always??

independence day josh

oooooh
i completely forgot..

yday was great..
the whole independence day josh is realllllly amaaaaaazin
i mean the flags everywhere..it was really cool..
i attended 3 independence day flag hoisting ceremonies..1 at whisper valley, 1 at my grndparents apartments and another at a frenz place..
it was so much fun...

n then obly i got thinkin...(thats all i've been doin lately!!)
if i'm gonna contribute to our nation....n if i'm a responsible citizen...
so i read this bk...being indian..by pavan.k.verma again...
i read it wen my cuz gave it to me abt 5 months back....n i read it again yday...
incase u dint read it....u definitely shd....

try india on google n c wat u get....if u have the time...thats wat i did...thats how jobless i m...lol...:)

neway i'm too tired now to type out alllllll my views abt india n wat v shd do n how v shd do it n where the country's headed acc to me n all that...
its jus too vast...
n u already prbbly read the editorials n the spl editions of alllll the newspapers yday...
so...

the thing is u hafta have ur own opinion...pro-india obly...n stick with it...:)

fanaaaaaa

today was amaaaaaazing....

not that i did anything out of the ordinary..
it was pretty mucht the same shit...
but i think it was all cos i woke up feelin absolutely fantastic abt myself...
maybe cos i had this awesome dream...

so thats all it takes...
a stupid dream to change my mood...

neway i think i'm gettin better at squash.... i lost again....but by a lesser margin...i'm startin to luv the game..
but still there's nothin like tennis...playin outdoors is the best!!

i have exams from thurs..n i jus dont feel like studyin...assignments n presentations r fine...but studyin for an exam jus sux...
i saw yuva today...i jus luv the music in that movie.....its awesome....fanaa n the title track gimme such a high...

n i've fallen in luv with vivek oberoi allllll over again...he acts so well....n he's soooo cute..

i no i dint do nething today to change the world...like i intend to...
but i'm feelin much better abt everythin....

life is lookin up baby...i'm luvin it!!!

all crap...

suddenly i'm all grown up...

these days i'm actually thinking things thru...not bein impulsive....actually bein rational abt stuff...whether i'll regret doin wat i m...now i actually feel like i need a destination...a specific goal...sum kinda plan..but i was never a plan kinda person...i figured jus havin a vague idea of where i eventually wanted to b was fine.....i did things intuitively...wen i wanted to how i wanted to...i did make plans before tho'..u no the i'm-gonna-turn-over-a-new-leaf kinds...but resolutions never worked for me...cos i dint have the strength, discipline or determination to stick to them...but now thats the only hope i have..i want a succesful future...not 1 filled with insecurities... so now more than ever...i need a plan...i want 1...my very own yellow brick road...

i used to be so carefree...always so confident...overconfident actually...i had the kinda self-esteem that never let me down...but now i've started doubting my own capabilities.....i'm starting to doubt if i have any abilities at all...u no sumthin where i'm the best there is...i've already done the listing out all the positive attributes bit...i could only come up with things i'd done in my prehistoric life...a girl i dont even remember anymore...
i never questioned every emotion..never doubted every feeling...now all i do is dissect and overexamine every single thought i have....jus giving everything undue importance...
i always had answers for everything(maybe i never asked any tuf questions!!)

i wonder where i lost her...maybe i shdnt even b tryin to find that girl cos there r lotsa things i did regret..they're all trivial now..but back then they were major catastrophes...afterall they were MY problems...but maybe god(if there's 1)...maybe she has plans to make this end happy...maybe i hafta discover the path on my own...

i know life is supposed to be simple so its all gonna b alright...but the problem is there is no problem to jus set right....everything's fine....i am blessed with all the beauty in the world around me n all that crap....

doesnt seem beautiful at allll to me!

neway this can jus go on forever!!

maybe i shd jus go back to sleep...

ne idea???

do u know who wrote this song??
tell me if u do...
sum1 mailed me the lyrics n i rem listenin to the song ages ago...
i like it...

tell me if u no...

I am the darkness in the light
I am the leftness in the right
I am the rightness in the wrong
I am the shortness in the long
I am the goodness in the bad
I am the saneness in the mad
I am the sadness in the joy
I am the gin in the gin soaked boy
...................................
I am the ghost in the machine
I am the genius in the gene
I am the beauty in the beast
I am the sunset in the east
I am the ruby in the dust
I am the trust in the mistrust
I am the the Trojan horse in the Troy
I am the gin in the gin soaked boy
...................................
I am the tiger's empty cage
I am the mystery's final page
I am the stranger's lonely glance
I am the hero's only chance
I am the undiscovered land
I am the single grain of sand
I am the christmas morning toy
I am the gin in the gin soaked boy
...................................
I am the world you'll never see
I am the slave you'll never free
I am the truth you'l never know
I am the place you'll never go
I am the song you'll never hear
I am the cause you'll never see
I am the will you'll never destroy
I am the gin in the gin soaked boy
...................................
I am the truth in the lie
I am the why not in the why
I am the last roll of die
I am the old school in the tie
I am the spirit of the sky
I am the catcher in the rye
I am the twinkle in his eye
I am the jeff goldblum in"The fly"......

chaos

man
everythin's so gloomy..
its rainin like crazy...i wanted to play tennis today...
agassi actually beat hewitt yday..that kinda inspired me...
i jus loooove those comeback stories..n i hate hewitt...
but dont u jus wonder y v applaud ppl who've overcome adversities..watever kind...monetary or physical or watever... v usually appreciate all the comeback kings/queens rather than ppl who've been excelling all thru...
v always pray for the underdog... i dunno y that happens...
maybe i like rahul dravid also cos of the same thing...
he's jus so underappreciated n i feel he jus doesnt get enuf credit for everythin he's done...
on the other hand...sachin...dont even get me started!!

neway i played squash today after ages....n i was tryin to play it like tennis...it was kinda hilarious...
i obly lost but it was fun...there's sumthin abt sport....i dunno if its adrenalin or endorphin...but it sure was fun today...

n then as usual i always come to this chaos in my head...
i dunno wat i wanna do with my life....n its high time to start lookin for sum ans...

i saw a clockwork orange...i read the bk ages ago...today i finally got to watch it..
i think this says it all...
"What does God want? Does God want goodness or the choice of goodness? Is a man who chooses the bad perhaps in some way better than a man who has the good imposed upon him?"

its a cool movie...cant decide if i like the movie or the bk better...
now i'm a diff person than the 1 i was wen i read the bk...maybe i shd read it again...

god.. no wonder i cant complete my assignments on time!!!

today n more thots abt it..

neway
today was really tiring..
i dunno wat it is abt mondays...
i never used to have the so called "monday morning blues" but today i did...
i dint wanna get up so early...but i did
i dint wanna go work out...but i did
i sooo dint wanna go to coll but i had an assignment to submit so i actually went..
the best part was the prof who gave us the assignment gave us an extension on the deadline...and v dont get extra credit for submitting early...
i came hm for lunch n really dint wanna go back...but i did
cos my attendance is kinda low...hardly went to coll last month...
neway classes in the afty were so borin...she was talkin abt duo-binary PAM systems...dint understand a thing..i was half asleep cos i slept real late last night...

neway sumtimes i feel like such a failure in life..
i mean i think i have lotsa potential to do so much but i'm hardlu using it productively u no...so its totally futile..
these days wenever that feelin starts growin in my head...i usually end up diverting my attention to sumthin happier..
i dunno wat it is abt this urge to be happy all the time..
i mean happiness is ultimately jus a perception of the mind na... i mean life itself is jus that i think...
damn i used to hate philosophical bullshit...
but i'm the 1 doin the bullshittin now...

i jus feel like writin crap cos i'm bored n this whole bloggin enthu is gettin to me..
i no it'll fade soon(i hope it wont but i think it will!)
cos i think i have a really short attention span...

neway i really think i shd get back to doin my assignment...

more later...for sure...

b'cos...

yea

so i finally created a blog n all...

in-divi-duel....
in "divine conflict" acc to 1 of my frenz... n maybe i m..
but then maybe i shd discuss it later...

heheh confusion already!!

i was thinkin it cud've jus been in-divi-dual as in dual personality types(instead of the change in spelling)... i dint think of it then.. but i dont wanna sound like sum1 who has mpd or sumthin...man sumtimes i jus overthink stuff to make it all complicated...even tho' everything's pretty simple...